Continuing Omnia’s month of mindfulness, this week’s blog focuses on mindful, thoughtful communication with introverts. Don’t try to adjust your screen; you read that correctly. “But introverts don’t like talking to people, right?”, you may think. Yet communicating with introverts isn’t an oxymoron. And since an estimated one third to one half of the population are introverts, to include your colleagues and employees, it’s important to understand effective ways of interacting and working with them. This first step is understanding them.
Psychiatrist Carl Jung coined the terms introversion and extroversion in the 1920s. Jung stated that extroverts feel invigorated through external means like contact with the outside world, while introverts are energized through internal avenues like reflection.
Contrary to some common beliefs, being an introvert isn’t the same thing as being shy, anti-social, anxious, or depressed. Rather, introverts have a lower tolerance for/higher sensitivity to stimulation, including social stimuli. Interacting with people at length can feel draining and depleting to introverts while having the opposite effect on extroverts. To refresh themselves, introverts often retreat into quieter pursuits, sometimes by themselves. This mode of energy recovery can be mistakenly confused with a dislike of being around people. Although making small talk with new people can feel fatiguing to introverts, they may enjoy deep, meaningful conversations with a small circle of confidants.
Introverts are also internal processors; they think through problems and ideas and verbalize them only after careful consideration. In contrast, extroverts are external processors who prefer talking through ideas and issues with other people to reach solutions.
Being an introvert myself, I have often heard, “You’re so quiet.” That statement has always felt both inaccurate and frustrating. I’ve never felt quiet; like most introverts, my brain is constantly taking things in and turning them over and over. If you could get inside an introvert’s mind, it’d probably seem more like a crowded nightclub of thoughts than a peaceful running stream. But introverts are selective about when and how those thoughts get expressed, which is why they often come across as quiet or reserved.
Everyone has some degree of both introversion and extroversion, but most people tend to lean one way or the other. You might be an introvert if:
Now that we’ve defined what an introvert is (and isn’t), let’s delve into some effective ways to communicate with them, especially on the job.
It may seem like overkill to schedule a phone call, especially to an extrovert, but phone calls or pop-in meetings can disrupt an introvert’s train of thought, which is jarring to them (remember, introverts are highly sensitive to stimuli). Introverts often prefer corresponding via emails and more indirect means, rather than through impromptu phone calls or face-to-face meetings, because it gives them a chance to think about exactly what they want to convey and how they want to say it. Which is also why it’s important to…
This gives introverts an opportunity to think through discussion points and formulate their responses, which means there is a better chance of them participating in meetings and verbalizing their ideas.
Similarly, sending out an email a day or two after a meeting can give an introvert the chance to offer their insights on the topics discussed after they have had an opportunity to think about them for a while.
Again, introverts formulate their ideas by mulling them over internally. They may need a moment to process and consider the statement that has just been made or the question that has been asked of them. If they are pausing, don’t assume they have bailed on the conversation; they are just thinking things through.
By letting introverts finish their thoughts and voice them when they are ready, this shows that you are interested in what they are saying, which is validating to an introvert (and everyone, really). Introverts don’t talk just for the sake of talking. When they say something, it’s because the idea is important to them, so for them to know that you find it important too is motivating.
It’s not always easy for introverts to speak up, especially in group meetings with more extroverted people who are quicker to voice their ideas. One-on-one meetings are a great way to give introverts the space to communicate their thoughts.
Years ago, I was training a group of new employees about different communication styles. One extroverted individual asked the question, “Do they (introverts) wish they were more like us (extroverts)?” When I later recounted that question to a group of introverts, the answer was an immediate and emphatic, “No!” The visceral response wasn’t because there is anything wrong or undesirable with being an extrovert. It was because there is also nothing wrong or undesirable with being an introvert.
My trainee’s question was a sincere one, a question many other extroverts may share. It can be a challenge to be a quiet person in a loud world; wouldn’t it be easier for introverts if we could adjust our vocal volume to be heard better? Easier, perhaps, but not as beneficial – for anyone. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking posits that when introverts try to force themselves to adopt traits counter to their natural characteristics, it is everyone’s loss. Just like our businesses and communities need the ideas, charisma, and enthusiasm extroverts offer, they also need the insights and perspectives that introverts bring to the table — insights often found through solitude and quiet reflection. When people work along the grain of their intrinsic traits, rather than against them, everyone benefits.
Being understood is inspiring to everyone, regardless of how they communicate or what energizes them. The Omnia Group’s mission is to help businesses engage in the mindful art of recognizing their employees’ unique talents and motivators. Through the Omnia behavioral assessment, leaders gain a deeper understanding of their personnel, and armed with those insights, they can develop their people to reach their highest potential. Let’s embark on that path of discovery together; contact Omnia to get started.
