Continuing Omnia’s month of mindfulness, this week’s blog focuses on mindful, thoughtful communication with introverts. Don’t try to adjust your screen; you read that correctly. “But introverts don’t like talking to people, right?”, you may think. Yet communicating with introverts isn’t an oxymoron. And since an estimated one third to one half of the population are introverts, to include your colleagues and employees, it’s important to understand effective ways of interacting and working with them. This first step is understanding them.

What Does It Mean to be An Introvert?

Psychiatrist Carl Jung coined the terms introversion and extroversion in the 1920s. Jung stated that extroverts feel invigorated through external means like contact with the outside world, while introverts are energized through internal avenues like reflection.

Contrary to some common beliefs, being an introvert isn’t the same thing as being shy, anti-social, anxious, or depressed. Rather, introverts have a lower tolerance for/higher sensitivity to stimulation, including social stimuli. Interacting with people at length can feel draining and depleting to introverts while having the opposite effect on extroverts. To refresh themselves, introverts often retreat into quieter pursuits, sometimes by themselves. This mode of energy recovery can be mistakenly confused with a dislike of being around people. Although making small talk with new people can feel fatiguing to introverts, they may enjoy deep, meaningful conversations with a small circle of confidants.

Introverts are also internal processors; they think through problems and ideas and verbalize them only after careful consideration. In contrast, extroverts are external processors who prefer talking through ideas and issues with other people to reach solutions.

Being an introvert myself, I have often heard, “You’re so quiet.” That statement has always felt both inaccurate and frustrating. I’ve never felt quiet; like most introverts, my brain is constantly taking things in and turning them over and over. If you could get inside an introvert’s mind, it’d probably seem more like a crowded nightclub of thoughts than a peaceful running stream. But introverts are selective about when and how those thoughts get expressed, which is why they often come across as quiet or reserved.

Everyone has some degree of both introversion and extroversion, but most people tend to lean one way or the other. You might be an introvert if:

• Too much activity or stimulation leaves you tired or distracted
• You enjoy solitude
• You have a small group of close friends
• Being around large groups of people feels draining
• You are most interested in jobs that involve working independently
• You like to learn by watching

Now that we’ve defined what an introvert is (and isn’t), let’s delve into some effective ways to communicate with them, especially on the job.

Tips for Interacting with Introverts at Work

1. Send an email or text to schedule meetings or phone calls in advance.

It may seem like overkill to schedule a phone call, especially to an extrovert, but phone calls or pop-in meetings can disrupt an introvert’s train of thought, which is jarring to them (remember, introverts are highly sensitive to stimuli). Introverts often prefer corresponding via emails and more indirect means, rather than through impromptu phone calls or face-to-face meetings, because it gives them a chance to think about exactly what they want to convey and how they want to say it. Which is also why it’s important to…

2. Send out meeting agendas ahead of time

This gives introverts an opportunity to think through discussion points and formulate their responses, which means there is a better chance of them participating in meetings and verbalizing their ideas.

Similarly, sending out an email a day or two after a meeting can give an introvert the chance to offer their insights on the topics discussed after they have had an opportunity to think about them for a while.

3. Don’t rush to fill in pauses; let them finish their thoughts

Again, introverts formulate their ideas by mulling them over internally. They may need a moment to process and consider the statement that has just been made or the question that has been asked of them. If they are pausing, don’t assume they have bailed on the conversation; they are just thinking things through.

By letting introverts finish their thoughts and voice them when they are ready, this shows that you are interested in what they are saying, which is validating to an introvert (and everyone, really). Introverts don’t talk just for the sake of talking. When they say something, it’s because the idea is important to them, so for them to know that you find it important too is motivating.

4. Set up one-on-one meetings

It’s not always easy for introverts to speak up, especially in group meetings with more extroverted people who are quicker to voice their ideas. One-on-one meetings are a great way to give introverts the space to communicate their thoughts.

 

A Question

Years ago, I was training a group of new employees about different communication styles. One extroverted individual asked the question, “Do they (introverts) wish they were more like us (extroverts)?” When I later recounted that question to a group of introverts, the answer was an immediate and emphatic, “No!” The visceral response wasn’t because there is anything wrong or undesirable with being an extrovert. It was because there is also nothing wrong or undesirable with being an introvert.

My trainee’s question was a sincere one, a question many other extroverts may share. It can be a challenge to be a quiet person in a loud world; wouldn’t it be easier for introverts if we could adjust our vocal volume to be heard better? Easier, perhaps, but not as beneficial – for anyone. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking posits that when introverts try to force themselves to adopt traits counter to their natural characteristics, it is everyone’s loss. Just like our businesses and communities need the ideas, charisma, and enthusiasm extroverts offer, they also need the insights and perspectives that introverts bring to the table — insights often found through solitude and quiet reflection. When people work along the grain of their intrinsic traits, rather than against them, everyone benefits.

Being understood is inspiring to everyone, regardless of how they communicate or what energizes them. The Omnia Group’s mission is to help businesses engage in the mindful art of recognizing their employees’ unique talents and motivators. Through the Omnia behavioral assessment, leaders gain a deeper understanding of their personnel, and armed with those insights, they can develop their people to reach their highest potential. Let’s embark on that path of discovery together; contact Omnia to get started.

Empathy is an important element in growing and nurturing strong connections, in both our personal and professional lives. When someone takes the time to understand another person’s perspectives or emotions, it can cause a deeper relationship to bloom between the two. In a job setting, empathy can foster productive conversations and help resolve conflicts. A workplace that encourages empathy helps employees feel valued and appreciated, which can contribute to stronger engagement, loyalty, and productivity. It begins with understanding what empathy is.

Sympathy vs. Empathy

Sympathy and empathy can both be important factors in helping promote that human connection in your organization, but they are not the same thing. Sympathy involves feeling concern for someone, such as “feeling bad” about another person’s misfortune or pain, but without really knowing what it is like to be in their specific situation. Your emotions about the matter come from your own perspective. Empathy takes it a step further; empathy accentuates the giver’s compassion by trying to understand what a person is going through based on that person’s unique experiences or views.

For example, sympathy means you feel sorry for your colleague Tom whose family member is dealing with a difficult illness. A sympathetic response can look like expressing your support to Tom, sending him a card, or making a donation to a charity that funds research for the illness — all of which are great things to do. Empathy, however, helps you dive deeper into what Tom is feeling and why. You may see how Tom’s close relationship with his family member makes the illness hard on him, that Tom feels stressed over large medical bills and the ability to pay them, and other issues unique to Tom’s situation. Empathy gives you a more well-rounded idea of what another person is going through.

And empathy is not only for problems or difficulties; it also helps drive understanding when teams are discussing ideas, developing plans, and trying to come to an agreement about how to move forward with projects and strategies. When people feel that their ideas and views are given true consideration and that their managers and co-workers are interested in understanding the reasons behind those views, then collaboration and compromise often come much easier.

Ideas for growing an empathetic workplace

1. Start from the top down.

Empathetic leadership can have a trickle-down effect that impacts everyone in the organization. When employees know that management genuinely prioritizes understanding and relating to personnel, it inspires them to do the same for their colleagues. In addition to discussing the importance of an empathetic workplace to your staff, show empathy in tangible ways by asking questions, considering different points of view, and offering to help with problems or conflicts.

Institute an open-door policy for your team, and make sure they know you are available and willing to discuss any issues they may be dealing with, without judgment. Emphasize this idea by having regular meetings, in person or virtual, with your staff, and encourage open, respectful dialogue.

Knowing the communication styles of your employees is helpful when conducting these meetings. You can use a personality or behavioral assessment to show you who on your staff is expressive, outgoing, and prefers to talk through their ideas or problems and who are more reserved and need time to flesh out their thoughts internally before conveying them to others. Some people, especially in the reserved group, may prefer putting their ideas in writing more than verbalizing them in front of the group. Recognizing these differences and allowing employees to voice their perspectives or ideas in their own style can help facilitate richer discussions and stronger understanding within the team.

Employees might not be comfortable bringing certain topics up to management or in a public meeting, which is why having an empathetic peer group on the job is crucial. Leadership should encourage colleagues to set aside time to talk and share with each other in a low-stress way.

2. Listen, listen, and listen some more.

Empathy involves a genuine desire to understand someone else, and you cannot accomplish that if you do most of the talking yourself. Whether you are a manager interacting with your staff or working peer to peer, listen attentively to what the person is saying rather than thinking of how you should respond.

Pay attention to their non-verbal cues, like tone, facial expressions, and gestures, which can be easily missed if you are not focused on the other person. Additionally, make sure your own body language conveys that you are fully present and not distracted. Only after taking in all of what the other person has said should you consider how to respond.

3. When it’s time to speak, consider your response carefully.

Start out by repeating what the other person has said but in your own words to be sure you are not misunderstanding anything. Try starting with the phrase, “What I’m hearing you say is…” and rephrase the main points of the conversation. This gives the other person a chance to correct or clarify what they are trying to convey.

It can be tempting to say, “I know exactly how you feel. I had the same experience when…” but resist this impulse. You may intend to use this to build a connection, showing how you understand what the person is going through, but doing so can make it feel like you are making the conversation about yourself. When trying to show an empathetic response, recognize that the person’s experience is unique to them; you are trying to understand them and their perspectives, not merely trying to draw parallels to your own life.

Remember, empathy isn’t about fixing someone’s problems; it’s about building a connection through understanding. It’s fine to offer your thoughts or ideas if the person asks for them, but sometimes being there to listen without judgment can provide exactly what the person needs while growing a sense of trust and appreciation.

Omnia has helped organizations recognize and understand their employees’ unique attributes, strengths, and motivators for nearly 40 years. Our dedicated Client Success Managers act as trusted advisors for our clients, helping them learn how to take this valuable knowledge and use it to enhance their workforce. Let us partner with you to put the power of insight to work in your business.